Generally, I’ve been a “rub it in” kind of person most of my life. I notice recently, age 54, I’ve kind of stopped. For example, Friend NoKids, has always been kind of a dickhead about anything kid related. And now her second husband has a one year old grandkid and she’s enjoying being with the little. I say to her face, “that’s great” and in my head I think, “that’s great”. And in my dark little rock-like heart I feel, “that’s great and glad she is finally getting it about kids”. But I don’t feel any need to point out what a drag she was before or how this is different. Maybe it’s just forgiving her former and possible future dickheadedness.
I credit my improvement to getting a boyfriend. I want to keep him and I just feel so forgiving about stuff. He’ll say something absurdly contradictory like, “you need to..” and then “I would never tell you to change”. It just seems hilarious to me. But I don’t laugh in his face, spit coffee over him, or say, “hello! dickhead, you just contradicted yourself”. I just smile and listen and in my slightly less rock-like heart I feel, “god I love how human you are. I appreciate your flaws and it makes me feel more comfortable with you that you’re as messy as I am”.
Hey! I just figured out that this is letting things be as they are, instead of trying to control and judge and correct. Hunh! Maybe I’m growing up. I’m only 54, never thought I’d live past 40, so this is all gravy. Yay!