do you get way too stoned?

I get way too stoned. It’s happened 3 times now and every time was when I was smoking with my grown children. I took only 3 to 5 hits and I was so so so stoned. I didn’t like it but it turns out my daughter-in-law (DIL) is excellent at compassion and reassurance. I LOVE that! Thank you DIL! (Mostly she tells me it will wear off soon and that nothing bad is happening and I can just sit where I am.)

So, too stoned. I felt anxious, not exactly paranoid like seeing things or something. It’s not tripping after all. I felt queasy and spin-y last time, and nauseous. I felt tipping over and inability to pay attention. I don’t like it. I felt like I’m frozen or stuck because of the confusion about gravity and inability to pay attention, those make me claustrophobic that I can’t move or talk.

Does it stop me from smoking? For a while, but not too long. How about my 25 pound weight gain that I attribute to smoking, does that make me stop? A bit. And the fact that I feel a need to keep one hand on the wall of the shower so I don’t tip over, does that make me stop? Um, yeah, if it happens a day after smoking. Hey! The floor of the shower slopes down to the drain on both sides thus making it gravity confusing in normal circumstances.

P.S. I don’t eat pot because I hate being too stoned in the distant past. You’d think I’d be savvier now about not smoking that 4th hit or 5th hit that sends me over the edge. “Just take your time”, I should say to myself. I can have the 4th or 5th hit later after I gauge if I’m already full. Right? Or maybe I should just quit because I’m just as happy and fun when I’m straight so what’s the point. I don’t need any social lubricant, I’m inhibition free, for the most part, or so says one of my therapists in the last ten years.

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About janeisnotme

I'm not Jane. Just saying.
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