I like to think back and sum up and see patterns but I understand that some people don’t. I think maybe because I have no big career or other clear success, it helps me feel useful and worthy of being alive when I sum up. Either way, the year of 2014 that just ended was a big transition year for me. In 2013 I decided to stay here and make a life out of crumbs and in 2014 I sold my big asset (home) and chose a very downsized home, went to therapy to mend my bad feelings about family, and found the balls to try online dating. Voila! Men were willing to schtupp with me and I feel into the arms of a man who clicked in a deeper way and now have a boyfriend. Hunh. 14 years alone talking myself into accepting that I would never be kissed again and now, voila! happy kissing with great feeling behind it.
Bigger than that, transition: the year 2012 was my gate opening year when shared custody ended and I could move anywhere, be anything, live however I chose. I chose to stay here, make a living off of crumbs where the work itself was a treat, enjoy my diverse supportive community and a version of beautiful nature that sometimes makes me CRAZY crazy (dark winter overcast anyone?). Then I worked towards downsizing, found a minuscule house of my dreams, renovated, lucked into selling my giant asset… all the while enjoying my grandchild that my teenagers gave me. And shifting, shifting, shifting, from caretaker single mom into gramma that can come and go, not hosting, not the initiator, not needing to make it all happen or fix every boo boo… the women who could be independent and drop in and out. And maybe 2015 will have more of that… or less. Interested to see.