janeisnotme

Yesterday I went for the 23rd time to a once a year tea party. We have all changed, but the one of us who had kids has been through the most changes, or so say I. Of course, with kids, they are conceived, you’re preggers, they come out, it’s intense, they get to be a toddler, etc. there is CONSTANT change. These other 6 women, all pretty high powered for a low key community, do not have kids and from the outside it looks pretty stable to me to be in their lives. I’ve had birth, divorce, death, arrests, career change, addiction, starting over, jail, unwanted pregnancy, car wrecks (quite a few), physical violence/rage, graduation, marriage, becoming grandmother, emergency surgeries… Admittedly not all were my events, many were my sons. The other six annual tea party women have had death and career change and maybe emergency surgery. Maybe car wrecks. They’re not so rare.

So what? Part of me feels successful that I have weathered so much change and am still standing. What do they feel? Do they think about change? Does their seemingly smaller amount of change feel big to them? Do they feel like survivors? And, hello! Why am I competing? Big deal and so what that I survive my changes.

Except I don’t have many accomplishments. I’ve tied my values to being an ant on the planet who doesn’t make things worse if I can help it. That is my vision of personal success in life. Those other six women have a lot of accomplishments in their careers and stuff. Not sure what the “stuff” is, but I respect their accomplishments. I’m just adapting and surviving change and making the most of what I can remember. And I’m weak enough to need some accomplishment to give me value. My accomplishment, I’ve weathered change. Yay? I rock?